philosophizing

i lived in arizona from when i was 8 months old to about 4 i think. so my memories are just glimpses of time, not very chronological or even full stories sometimes.

i remember living in our house across from the junior high, at night sometimes me and sam would go over to the junior high playground (basketball courts/blacktop) with our dad and he would trace our outlines on the ground with these white rocks and then we would color them in. i think some girls from our ward went to that school and sometimes they would see the outlines we drew at school the next day.

our house was a rambler i believe with a big backyard with an orange and a grapefruit tree and a sandbox and a big awning over the porch. i could climb up the poles that held the awning up and i remember doing it for people more than once, it was my party trick.

the main thing i remember from this time in my life was thinking how strange it was to be alive. i think i was more conscious of being alive than i am now, i would think about how the world was so strange and how do i know if it is real, how did i know we were really alive, and it was so weird that i was a person, contained in a little body, how did i know there were really other people and things outside myself?
i didn't think about it all the time but it would come to me in waves of realization.
this doesn't happen to me much anymore. i am relatively sure i am alive, and i also have a firm base of beliefs assuring me that this is all real. but i still have sudden bursts of consciousness regarding my life, how "grown-up" i am, and stuff like that.
i know lots of people who still feel the way i did. who question, or who can't fathom life. and i can't really judge i guess, i was just on a faster track than them.

i got all my philosophizing done at the age of 3.